The hard part about having a blog is coming up with something to write about. You'd think that with the add I'd have so many ideas that I'd have to choose from too many. Well ... that's the (not so) funny thing about add.

I DO have TONS of stuff to write about. I'm just always ready to move on to the next thing.

It's a double-edged sword.

It can be very difficult at times to finish things. It's weird. You want to finish a project SOOOOOO BAD. You're SOOOOOO anxious to have the final product ... and yet you'll just move on to the next thing ... of course, then you end up with even BIGGER problems. Ugh!

Why? Because pretty soon you're working on 24 different things, all at once, and each one has an immediate (impossible) deadline that you somehow give yourself in your head. I'm a slave driver! In my head anyways, when the subject is myself. I'm the one crackin' the whip (at myself).

Sweet, uh?

This brings me back to my motto - SLOW DOWN. For me, I get more done when I take my time. I complete things in record time when I don't have a deadline. Think about it. DEAD-line. Who wants to accomplish that?

Of course, there's the whole midlife crises thing I'm going through (we'll get into that another time). It started as a midlife awakening, but I'll admit, I've gotten sidetracked (can you believe it?), and I managed to lose sight of the path. But I'll find it. I may be caught in a fog ... but I'll find it.

My life is in a strange place right now. The polar extremes really seem to be fighting over me. I've never felt so good about myself, and I have some amazing opportunities knocking at my door. Yet, some of the worst things in my life are happening too. I'm not quite ready to share the details of them here, but life is hitting me HARD from all angles.

It's been a battle. It's been a BATTLE all my life!

Friends, family, co-workers, customers, strangers ... relationships are so much work. HARD WORK. They don't need to be, but they are ... or at least were ... I'm working on myself, and that should help. Maybe this blog I've started will help.

Then there's WORK! You know ... jobs, career, etc. Talk about PRESSURE.

You see ... I didn't know how to make friends as a kid. At least that's what I thought. I had a couple friends here and there, but for the most part - sixth through twelfth grade - I was on my own. I just didn't interact very well socially.

I WANTED to! I had more DESIRE in my belly to be popular than Tony Robbins could ever drum up. But the social stuff was just a little off for me.

Now I'm an adult. A career? At a CORPORATION? Gimme a break! That's even harder than school ever was. There isn't enough money and medication in the world to get me to want to endure that. I've had some corporate positions, they've all been commission-based with very little supervision, but it's still too much relationship management for me.

It's all OK though.

Learning about the add really put a lot of things into perspective. It's strange. You live this life knowing some thing's just not right. You have difficulty expressing your thoughts and ideas to other people. As a kid I'd get dragged into THERAPY where they basically told me I'm a bad kid and need to BEHAVE properly, LISTEN and DO what my parents and other authorities tell me ... Accuse me of being on drugs ... (all I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi ... but she wouldn't give it to me).

Then one day, I'm sitting with my current shrink, trying to organize the piles of thoughts in my head, and she's says "maybe you have add", and had me take some tests. I took the tests (basic IQ stuff), and when I'm done she says I shouldn't have these problems and recommends I see a psychiatrist about add. I go see this guy, take more tests, and then I start some medication for add ... and suddenly I'm out of the bubble I've been living in my entire life!

It's amazing!

The only hard part is getting used to driving the Corvette ZR1 with it's 620 horsepower that is my brain. It's hard to shake off the old habits of driving my 'vette now that the engine is tuned. It's a whole different experience.

From there, the whole world starts opening up. I've realized I had the solution to my problems all along - SLOW DOWN. Zen, man! I've been so wound up, for such a long time ... I'm still getting used to this clean running car.

One step at a time. Day by day. Patience is a virtue. Insert your own cheesy mantra here.

So life isn't a battle after all. It just appeared that way through the prism of my add brain.

My final thought for tonight is this: My fellow adders out there, take my advice and SLOW DOWN. Trust me, you've got WAY TOO MANY things you wanna do. Relax. Eventually you'll get to them all. It's OK. All is good.

For the non-adders out there. It's real! I don't care what others have to say. I don't even care about their backgrounds, bonafides, and credentials. Until they can literally climb into my brain, they can go ahead and shut their pie holes. (Boy, that was kinda mean). And if they ever do (get to climb into my brain), they won't be able to handle it, because a closed-mind would freeze-up and shutdown running at the speed of add.

It's getting late, and in the name of slowing things down, I'm going to bed.

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