Do You Believe?
Not in space aliens! I’m talking about ADHD!
I too, didn’t believe.
Well … maybe it’s more like I didn’t want to believe. I’ve had a number of struggles all my life. Struggles with myself more than anything … but I certainly didn’t think my wiring was mixed up.
So I worked on myself … quietly … alone … not wanting anyone to know what I struggled with … embarrassed … but day in and day out, year in and year out … the struggles continued.
I struggled with people. I rarely (if ever) felt understood. My sense of humor always seemed to be a little off. My eye contact misplaced. Mannerisms wrong … For the life of me! I never even knew how to make friends!
Conversations can be tough for me, however, I now see how tough it can be for others to communicate with me. We could be talking about going to a restaurant, and somehow my mind will connect that with a song I like, and I’ll picture myself listening to it in my new Mustang GT, which somehow reminds me of the space shuttle, so when the person asks, “what restaurant do you want to go to”, I reply “I really want to buy a new snowmobile this year”.
What?
I’ve had some great friends in my life, but lost them somewhere along the way … adhd can make you volatile, especially when you don’t even know you have it. And not necessarily in a violent or bad way, but just with weird miscommunications.
I struggled with homework. The homework struggle was partially because I hated it! It was time-consuming and repetitive. It also took forever! School in general was miserable. In elementary I was the class clown, so I had friends (and decent grades), but by junior high … I was sitting alone everyday at lunch … for 3 years. High school wasn’t much better.
I played piano and trombone. I enjoyed playing music and I was good at it! But the strict time schedule of practice, and the monotony of the bland music I had to play for “lessons”, drove me nuts! I couldn’t ever seem to explain properly that I wanted to go in a different direction musically. I thought I was communicating that clearly, but then again, I didn’t know I had adhd.
It would be 20 more years before the discovery was made.
Communication with the family was horrible. I didn’t understand, nor did anyone else. I went to counseling and therapy, but … it would all just anger me. I hated it! To me, therapy was nothing but adults telling me I have be somebody other than me! I agreed there may be something wrong here, but it’s not me. “I’m not this bad person everyone seems to perceive” I would think. Besides, nobody was tougher on me than myself. More people piling on wasn’t the answer.
Girls … what? Are you kidding me? LOVE THEM! Can’t communicate with them to save my life. Or should I say I COULDN’T (in the past) communicate with them. I’m certainly better, anyways. I mean … I understand everyone has struggles in communication between the sexes, but I never got my social cues right in the first place, so imagine how hard communicating with the opposite sex becomes under this circumstance.
They might as well be SPACE ALIENS!
I went away to college after high school. I got lucky! I quickly became friends with my roommate and suite mates (suite is an awfully kind word for the small space where 4 boys lived). I even met some girls! Whew-hoo! Funny thing is … of course, I went for the one’s who were certainly wrong for me, and not for the one’s who were good for me. Heck … it’s not even that I didn’t try, I just was completely MISSING THE CUES!
Go figure. Flirtation is tough as it is … but when it takes you until months later to catch on … not so good.
I was invited to pledge a fraternity. I loved it! A total blast! More girls too! Yee-haaa! Good thing I had the almighty Sigma Alpha Epsilon credibility … it instantly reduced my communication issues with those of the female persuasion. Nice!!!
Weirdest thing though … I always had a minor fear, and it’s kinda funny when you think about it … but it got worse as my college years progressed. I had like this phobia of using people’s names. No, I HAD A PHOBIA! I thought if I used someone’s name, I’d get it wrong, and everybody would hate me and I’d go back to being the junior high school kid who ate lunch alone.
The weird name phobia stuck with me for a long time. It’s gone. It’s hard for even ME … to imagine something like that being real.
I sought counseling in college, and during my adult life too. I tried medication, hypnosis, supplements, you name it! I’ve worked on countless self-help programs, communication programs … I even took the Dale Carnegie Class! I did well too.
My professional career has been a roller-coaster. Up and down, up and down … the problem is … that the down streaks have always been too severe for the up streaks to balance things out. It’s been frustrating to say the least.
My life has always been this way though … a roller-coaster. Flashes of brilliance, mired in fumbles and interceptions … So back to the psychologist office I went.
This time I found a good one. She eventually sent me to a psychiatrist out of concern about adhd. At this point, I was open to anything! Acupuncture, drugs, electroshock … I needed HELP! I started taking medication, reading and learning about adhd, and doing my best to compensate for it. Internally, I’ve grown more in the past 10 months than I did my prior 37 years. I’m calmer, more focused, more confident, more assertive, and while I’m not perfect, I’m communicating with others better than I have at any time in my life!
The medication doesn’t turn me into a zombie like some people claim it will … it’s quite the opposite! I’m much more myself … much more comfortable as myself than I’ve ever been. I always felt like I lived in a bubble. Always kicking and screaming to get out! But I couldn’t. The walls would simply stretch, and no one could hear my cries.
I’m out of the bubble now! I feel much better. Life brightens a little more each day.
I’m MORE creative than ever before, because I can follow through on my wild ideas. My relationships are improving too, because I’m more comfortable in my own skin, and can communicate better.
I’ve worked my ass off all my life on everything I’ve done, especially in regards to “improving” myself. I’ve experienced all the hard-nosed, buckle-down authority that exists … But looking at it all through the lens of adhd, gearing my therapy and adding little medication towards from that point of view … I’ve made some of the greatest strides in my life, particularly my inner life.
We all have our flaws, we’re human. We have not the ability to be perfect … but all THOSE character flaws … nothing but adhd.
Do you believe?
The Clear Channel Controversy
07/28/2008 - Clear Channel has denied my request to provide a link to a web page that would be of great benefit to the adhd community. I agree … it doesn’t make sense at all … for a multitude of obvious reasons.
The dilemma: I think adders would greatly benefit from reading this story, so without linking, I could simply share with you where to go … however … I greatly disagree with their arbitrary rules and complete lack of understanding of the most basic principle of the internet (hyperlinks), that I hesitate to send anyone their way.
I’m a big free market advocate, so at this point I have to cast my vote by not sending any viewers their way. Sorry to all of you who would have benefited from it. Please write to Clear Channel and express your disappointment.
I’d provide you their email, but I can’t afford the potential lawsuit.
According to Webopedia, “hyperlinks are the most essential ingredient of all hypertext systems, including the World Wide Web“. It’s obvious that Clear Channel disagrees. Until they relinquish this archaic mindset, I’m going to avoid all things Clear Channel like the plague!
———-
Original post 07/27/08 - Well … I’ll have to come back to you concerning this post. Apparently Clear Channel is uncomfortable with the common practice of hyperlinking to their websites.
Two terrific, very successful people with adhd talk about it together. Bringing awareness of adhd is one of my primary missions with this blog. Respecting Clear Channel’s wishes, I will send an email asking for permission to post the interview and provide a link. Hopefully they will see the benefit of my drawing positive attention to them, and how much good they can bring to the adhd community by allowing me to bring it directly to the adhd community.
I’m grateful to Clear Channel for posting it on one of their websites, and I ask kindly that I can bring awareness of the article here.
Success stories can do wonders!
Attention Deficit Disorder is Bunk!
I LOVE a good conspiracy story …
Attorney Richard Scruggs, who rang up $400 million in legal fees (cha-ching!) with class-action lawsuits against the tobacco companies, says adhd is bunk.
I guess he’s still lookin’ for more money.
The story about lawsuit was brought to my attention by another great adhd blog, “Adders World“. I highly recommend visiting Adders World, starting with “The ADHD SchEmE“.
The following is a few snippets from the article “Got ADHD?” from the Daily Journal, along with my commentary to add balance and rational thought. Okay … an adders thoughts …
Scruggs, who led the settlement between U.S. states and the tobacco industry in 1998, leads a lawyers group alleging in two lawsuits that the makers of the drug Ritalin conspired with psychiatrists to “create” the condition ADHD.
Typical of conspiracy theories, this one has been going on for at least 70 years, undetected of course, until now! It’s always amazing to me how “diabolical” these conspiracies are, yet they take so long to develop. Over 70 years … how many people working at the many pharmaceutical companies, psychiatrists and psychologists would have had to be in on this conspiracy? Hundreds of thousands? More?
Adders may not be the best organizers, but NOBODY could keep organized a conspiracy so large for so long. This is just another attorney looking to cash in on the Big Bucks by arbitrarily forcing a “settlement”.
Dr. Rosemond, whose column runs in the Daily Journal, has no stake in the lawsuit but is writing a book about what he calls “the ADHD scheme” with a nationally known pediatrician, who Rosemond says “has seen the light.”
Sounds more like a marketing campaign to me.
The suits seek class action status and billions of dollars in damages. The allegations are denied by both the company and the APA.
“The suits seek class action status and billions of dollars in damages.” $$$ BILLIONS $$$!!! Are you starting to follow the money trail?
Scruggs, who tallied up $400 million in legal fees from the settlement with the tobacco industry, said public health was the main motivator in the Ritalin case, and the ultimate goal of the lawsuit is to change the way the drug is prescribed.
Sure … and monkey’s are going to fly out of my butt. “Just doing it for the kids … ” to the tune of MILLIONS (in his pocket).
“They are exploiting the fears of parents for the welfare of children to gain inappropriately, and I think that is very reprehensible and it can have a widespread effect on the health of American kids.”
The above quote from Scruggs says it all!
John Rosemond has a new BOOK TO SELL called “The Diseasing of America’s Children: Exposing the ADHD Fiasco and Empowering Parents to Take Back Control“. The title of Rosemond’s book is PURE SCARE TACTIC COPY!
Scare Tactics - coercing a favorable response by preying upon the audience’s fears.
Nice, uh? Yeah … he “cares” all right … about his wallet.
So … I wanted to find out more about these guys. Who are they? Scruggs is a class-action attorney. What more do you really need to know? Alright, alright … some of them serve a purpose, so to google I go … and what do I find?
Civil-suit attorney Richard Scruggs gets 5 years for bribery!
Ahem, I rest my case. You can read even more about it in the Wall Street Journal by clicking on his picture.
That was too easy, what about Rosemond?
Well … he isn’t a criminal like Scruggs …
The traveling salesman, who’s contemplating running for the House of Representatives, has only a couple minor scrapes with trouble. In 1987, the North Carolina Psychology Board issued a reprimand after a complaint was brought against him for writing in a column that there was no evidence supporting child therapy. And in 1995, he voluntarily entered into a consent order after advising the family of an 18-month-old who had been sexually abused to skip therapy, since she wouldn’t remember the incident anyways. Also worthy of note, this so-called “family therapist” hasn’t spoken his mother in over 10 years (The Disciples of Discipline - New York Times).
Rosemond, no longer practicing psychology, travels most the year doing seminars, selling books and t-shirts to desperate parents. He claims, “There is no such thing as having ADHD. It is not a biological condition. It is not a disease. It is a lifestyle condition.”
“It requires a lifestyle change in the family. One of the things I tell parents who are dealing with this type of child is you have to get the child off, completely off, video games, TV, Internet, computers” (Up Close with John Rosemond).
Dr. W. Joseph Wyatt, on the Cambridge Center for Behavioral Studies website, has a debate with John Rosemond about his advice. Dr. Wyatt agrees with much of what Rosemond says, but Rosemond simply goes on the attack anyway (a defensive posture indeed). I end this post today with a couple snippets from the debate.
In my first snippet, Dr. Wyatt notes that Rosemond claims that adhd is caused by the “flicker” of the television, to which Rosemond responds claiming Wyatt as misrepresenting him. Dr. Wyatt then replies with the following:
” … I had written that Rosemond blames the flicker of the TV screen for ADHD. He felt that was a misrepresentation. But here is what Rosemond wrote about ADHD in one of his columns: “Since 1978 I’ve been saying that television is a primary culprit. The constant ‘flicker’ of television compromises the brain’s ability to properly develop the structures necessary to a long attention span.” The reader can decide whether I have taken Rosemond out of context, as Rosemond claimed I had done.”
And in the last paragraph of his final response, Rosemond sums it up by stating the following (highlights by me):
Wyatt says I paint the “post-modern psychological child-parenting field as monolithic.” He obviously doesn’t understand the term post-modern. Psychology is a secular religion. One believes in it by faith. I don’t have any such faith. Wyatt reveals his misunderstanding of my pre-modern worldview when he says that he and I agree that feeling better (self esteem) is a matter of doing better.
Yeah … all of our biology - organs, skin, bones, etc - can have biological dysfunction of one sort or another, but not our brain. It takes faith for all the neurotransmitters, synapses, chemicals and what not in our brain to dysfunction …
It appears to me that John Rosemond is selling good folks nothing but viles of snake oil. He’s not very good at psychiatry, but he sure is a good copywriter!
Mean, Lazy, Stupid and Crazy!
I’m a little crabby today. Okay … a lot crabby. Being the very definition of “Side-track Sally“, I find my internal “self talk” giving me the old “beat down” for not posting over the last few days.
It seems every time I sit down to post, I end up re-writing the code on my .htaccess, adding a new widget (I’ll never use), trying to figure out why my favicon doesn’t work, and … well … you know how it goes …
This, of course, frustrates me to no end, sending my brain further into the realm of OVERWHELM … then two hours later I catch myself reading about oil futures. Oh, the wandering mind of adhd …
I’ve had this terrific blog in my bookmarks for awhile, wanting to add it to my blogroll here. Today, I bring this awesome blog to you! It’s called “Brain Blogger“! Let the trumpets sound … They have a wealth of excellent information, and I thought the best introduction would be to provide a few snippets from a post in their Opinions section. Please click the title and read the entire piece.
You’re Mean - I’m Lazy, Stupid and Crazy
You’re stuck in a mental bind. Today, a mighty simple idea is here to release you. This entry is for anyone who has or who deals with neurological or mental challenges. That is, everyone. It is definitely for folks with ADD or similar problems. It’s also for people who have the symptoms of ADD even though it doesn’t exist.
If you are MLS or C, does that mean you do something MLS or C more often than the average person? And how much more often do you have to do it, in order for IT to be WHO you are? Is ten percent too much? Is ninety percent too little? Speaking of words used to define people, if you’re an asshole, are you also a knee? It isn’t the words that are so bad. It’s the purpose and spirit.
What would it be like to feel how these are just words. You’re still aware of the primitive way they are used by many people, but in your emotional makeup, they’re just words.
So mean becomes, “I’m having trouble being constructive in this situation.” Lazy becomes, “When I try to do that, I get really fatigued and apathetic, and I play tricks on myself to avoid it.” Stupid becomes, “That isn’t something I’m competent at. I wouldn’t apply for that job. By the way, I’m going to need help with this thing over here.” And crazy becomes, “I really have poor judgement when it comes to that.”
Imagine all the energy and creativity this would free up if everyone focused on what to do about MLC and S instead of creating all this emotional, moralistic froth, avoidance, shame, denial, hatred, and bigotry that disrupts our problem solving.
The Creative Adder 2
As a supplement to my previous post, The Creative Adder, I wanted to share some thoughts on adhd and creativity as discussed by Edward M. Hallowell, MD and John J. Ratey, MD in their book “Driven to Distraction“.
They say there are several building blocks in the adhd mind that favor creativity. I will list them here with a brief explanation of my own. For a more thorough understanding, please read the book. Hands down, it is the best among all books concerning attention deficit disorder.
1. Adders have a greater tolerance of chaos than most.
We live in constant distraction and chaos everyday. We’re used to it! In order to create something new, one must be comfortable with living in the unknown and be able to disorganize what was once organized. We’re natural at that. We’re not concerned a thought may be too weird, strange or off-the-wall, because that’s just the way we think.
2. What is creativity but impulsivity gone right?
You can’t plan creativity. Creative ideas just pop-up! “That is to say they are impulsive, the result of an impulse, not a planned course of action” says Hallowell and Ratey. As we think or talk about one idea, which leads to another, and another, and yet another seemingly unrelated topic, ideas “out of nowhere” pop into our minds!
3. The ability to hyperfocus.
To use myself as an example, it can take hours to get me going on a project, but once I start … once I “get into it” … I’m a laser beam of intensity and focus. It’s like my brain needs a long time to warm up, but once it does, it gets hot and keeps going until I’ve completed whatever it is I’m doing. Maybe that’s why it can take me until 6:00pm to “get going” some days, but the next thing I know, it’s 2:00am?
4. The “hyperreactivity” of the adhd mind.
“Hyperreactivity,” as coined by Dr. Russell A. Barkely, is how we’re always reacting to outside stimuli. Even when we maintain a calm outward appearance, our mind is racing inside, catching this thought and that, calculating our next move, feeding a new idea … always in motion.
As Hallowell and Ratay put it, “Such hyperreactivity enhances creativity because it increases the number of collisions in the brain. Each collision has the potential to emit new light, new matter, as when subatomic particles collide.”
“The trick for the person with ADD is to harness these processes productively. Some people spend a lifetime trying. They burst with creative energy but like a live wire without a socket to plug into, they dispel their energy unchanneled. The child may dissapate his or her creativity just in making wise remarks in class, or the adult may have a long list of marvelous ideas but have no plan for enacting them.”
A trick indeed! But the more I learn and the more I recognize that which were once considered “character flaws” are instead, actually adhd … the better I become at everything I do. And so will you!
The Creative Adder
A consistent thread among adults diagnosed with adhd is that our school days were often difficult (to say the least). Everything from our supposed “lack of desire/motivation,” and substandard and/or declining grades, to missed homework assignments, alleged “behavior problems,” and of course … “not living up to your potential.”
In particular, “not living up to your potential” coupled with “you aren’t trying hard enough” really steamed us inside, and caused many unnecessary arguments. We were already very hard on ourselves about this. We didn’t need to hear it from everyone else too.
I believe a lot of the problems we faced in school is due to the format of the schools themselves. Schools seem to be designed for one type of student, and to conform everybody else into one of them - a corporate WORKER. This regimented system, designed more for testing than learning, is distinctively disadvantageous to the child with adhd.
We can’t change the past, but we help the children of tomorrow. In the following video, Sir Ken Robinson, who headed the British government’s 1998 advisory committee on creative and cultural education says “we are educating people out of their creativity.” Please take the time to watch this MUST SEE talk on creativity and the school system. With the rapid pace of technological advances, the world is changing, and creativity is more important than ever.
Who knows … the future may very well belong to those with adhd!
