It’s Not Always Your ADHD

July 9, 2008 · Filed Under Personal Stories

This is a quick story to share with you what has been going on, and a lesson I learned.

Saturday June 28, my computer started to die. I was busy working on a post, but for some reason it wouldn’t save correctly. As I was becoming frustrated with that, I noticed everything on my computer was slowing down … so slow, an ordinary snail seemed faster than a cheetah.

Earlier that day, I downloaded an update from Microsoft and a driver update from Dell, so I didn’t think it could have anything to do with them. I ran every spyware, virus, adware software I could find. The first few days, it would take just over 9 hours for just one of these programs to run. I found nothing.

To make a long story short, the tenacity provided by my adhd finally paid off late last night, and I was back to the blog. I wrote a post similar to this one, but somehow when I published it, the post disappeared. So I went to bed. This morning and afternoon I re-worked some of the tweaks and settings and now I’m finally back! My computer is working at about 90% of its previous capacity.

I should attempt to retrace my steps and provide the fix on this blog in case anyone else runs into problems, but anyways …

Lesson learned:

A few nights ago I was talking to a friend of mine … well, more like whining … about how “unfair” it all is. I have enough problems on my own with staying on track, following through, and what not … why does something like this have to happen? Is there a Grand Conspiracy against me? Is God and the whole universe bent on keeping me from continuing this project?

Then it hit me … a thought.

Yes, it hurt.

I’m sitting there blaming myself, blaming God, and everything else I can think of, claiming “A Morsel of Genius” to be yet another of my many unfinished, failed projects. Yet, back in reality … all that happened was my computer failed. An inanimate object. Not me, God or anything else. That’s life.

LIFE happens.

It was not a short-coming of character, nor a biological pitfall. Shit happens. That’s all.

LIFE happens.

Life can get you down, but don’t start in on yourself. Don’t start up the negative inner talk that blames yourself and anyone else you can think of when the tide seems to turn against you. It’s just an illusion. Sometimes things we don’t like happen. That’s all.

It’s not your adhd, your character, nor a Grand Conspiracy against you.

It’s just life.

Be at peace with yourself. Be your own best friend. Support yourself no matter what’s going on, and eventually you’ll find that most mishaps have nothing to do with you at all.