The Joey Harrington Syndrome
Many people wonder what it’s like to have (undiagnosed/untreated) adhd. Some people don’t even “believe” in it. I figure they don’t “believe” in it because they can’t wrap their minds around what it’s like, or what it is.
Well … here’s a sports analogy to help.
Joey Harrington, the current starting quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons, is typically considered by people as a QB that sucks. Fans blame him for everything … he can’t read a defense, can’t hit the side of a barn, he doesn’t deserve to be in the NFL … blah, blah, blah …
Fine. Whatever you think.
I picked Joey Harrington for a number of reasons, but mostly, because I’m from Detroit MI, I witnessed first-hand his first years in the NFL.
Now let’s put some things into perspective. There are approximately 96 (32 teams x 3 roster positions) people in the world who get paid to be an NFL quarterback. The NFL is big business and they pay big business salaries. They also expect big results out of those big salaries. In other words, they take picking their players very seriously.
To go a step further, there are only 32 starting QBs in the NFL. That’s it! Only 32 people in the entire world can be a starting QB in the NFL. So … Joey Harrington is not only one of an elite 96 players, but in fact, is currently one of the 32 most elite players in the world!
Say what you want! That’s what pro sports is all about. Just remember, that when we look at the numbers, only 32 people in the entire world get to be a starter in the NFL, and Harrington is one of them. In other words … he doesn’t suck. In fact, he’s an incredible player! Think about it!
What does this have to do with adhd? Good question.
Here’s the thing about Joey … he shows confidence, practices well, studies his playbook and film, and EARNS himself the starting position. He gets into the game (when it matters), throws some great passes, shows some leadership, and … well … then …
There he goes … throws the dumbest interception, fumbles on the hand-off, makes a dumb decision … and loses the game.
Nobody can seem to figure it out. He’s got all this talent, shows all this ability, has the best trainers and the greatest opportunities … but he screws it up again, again and again. Then, just when the coach is ready to pull him, make him the back-up QB … he goes out and has a brilliant game, manages the game properly, throws a bunch of touchdowns, and gets a bunch of yardage.
Alas … Joey has turned it around! The fans cheer! The coaches praise him! The media celebrates!
The next game comes around … all eyes are on Joey, the game on his shoulders, he throws his first pass … pick! Four more interceptions later … he’s booed and pulled from the game.
Such is the life of an adder.
Amazing abilities, can do almost anything, full of ideas, eager to go for it, all signs point to victory … and … FUMBLE!
Just like Joey Harrington, all the analysts and fans have their opinions. In most of our cases, instead of fans and analysts, they’re bosses, family, friends, and clients. Their analysis blames laziness, lack of motivation, absense of follow-through, lack of talent, lack of discipline, stupidity, blah, blah, blah …
Here’s the thing …
WE AGREE! We’re with you!
We’re already blaming ourselves for the very same things! Adders can get very defensive (another perceived fault), but the reason we get defensive is because we’re already ALL OVER OURSELVES about these very things! We don’t need to hear about it from someone else, we WANT to “fix” it as bad as everyone else!
This blog, A Morsel of Genius, is the furthest I’ve ever gone in carrying out one of my “wild” ideas. Do I post everyday like I’m “supposed to”? No. Is that just another fumble? I don’t think so. I don’t think the average adder wants me to overload them with posts everyday. Could I post more? Sure, and I will. But I’ve developed a plan, and even when it doesn’t appear right from the outside, I’m sticking to it!
You see … with adhd, you tend to get a lot of information coming at you all at once. Constantly! New ideas, better ways, etc. and it’s easy to get off-track because of this. After you get off-track too many times, you start to get burned-out. Then you give up and move on to the next thing. This tendency isn’t a character flaw. Sorry, but most of us have higher expectations of ourselves than anyone else ever could. So, like Joey Harrington, when we show lots of ability and determination, but go into the game and screw it all up, our attitude is the same as everyone else.
FRUSTRATED! Even MORE so than our analysts and fans!
Learning how to manage these symptoms, and with the help of medication and therapy, we can go out and perform to our true capacity. It doesn’t eliminate mistakes, nor does it change us as a person … but it does eliminate the supposed character flaws.
Adhd affects the way thoughts process through our brains. Literally, our brain synapses is different than the average person. Trying to overcome our deficits in the traditional manner the average person goes about it, only sets us up for failure. The same would be true of people without adhd trying to overcome their deficits by our methods.
Just like Harrington, the reality is that WE DON’T SUCK!
Living with undiagnosed adhd is like living life the way Joey Harrington’s NFL career has gone. Flashes of brilliance, lots of raw talent, but failure after failure, time and time again. With diagnosis and treatment however, we get the genuine chance to be the Tom Brady’s we believe we can be!
Don’t give people with adhd a hard time, instead, realize they’re on the same side of the table you are!
Do You Believe?
Not in space aliens! I’m talking about ADHD!
I too, didn’t believe.
Well … maybe it’s more like I didn’t want to believe. I’ve had a number of struggles all my life. Struggles with myself more than anything … but I certainly didn’t think my wiring was mixed up.
So I worked on myself … quietly … alone … not wanting anyone to know what I struggled with … embarrassed … but day in and day out, year in and year out … the struggles continued.
I struggled with people. I rarely (if ever) felt understood. My sense of humor always seemed to be a little off. My eye contact misplaced. Mannerisms wrong … For the life of me! I never even knew how to make friends!
Conversations can be tough for me, however, I now see how tough it can be for others to communicate with me. We could be talking about going to a restaurant, and somehow my mind will connect that with a song I like, and I’ll picture myself listening to it in my new Mustang GT, which somehow reminds me of the space shuttle, so when the person asks, “what restaurant do you want to go to”, I reply “I really want to buy a new snowmobile this year”.
What?
I’ve had some great friends in my life, but lost them somewhere along the way … adhd can make you volatile, especially when you don’t even know you have it. And not necessarily in a violent or bad way, but just with weird miscommunications.
I struggled with homework. The homework struggle was partially because I hated it! It was time-consuming and repetitive. It also took forever! School in general was miserable. In elementary I was the class clown, so I had friends (and decent grades), but by junior high … I was sitting alone everyday at lunch … for 3 years. High school wasn’t much better.
I played piano and trombone. I enjoyed playing music and I was good at it! But the strict time schedule of practice, and the monotony of the bland music I had to play for “lessons”, drove me nuts! I couldn’t ever seem to explain properly that I wanted to go in a different direction musically. I thought I was communicating that clearly, but then again, I didn’t know I had adhd.
It would be 20 more years before the discovery was made.
Communication with the family was horrible. I didn’t understand, nor did anyone else. I went to counseling and therapy, but … it would all just anger me. I hated it! To me, therapy was nothing but adults telling me I have be somebody other than me! I agreed there may be something wrong here, but it’s not me. “I’m not this bad person everyone seems to perceive” I would think. Besides, nobody was tougher on me than myself. More people piling on wasn’t the answer.
Girls … what? Are you kidding me? LOVE THEM! Can’t communicate with them to save my life. Or should I say I COULDN’T (in the past) communicate with them. I’m certainly better, anyways. I mean … I understand everyone has struggles in communication between the sexes, but I never got my social cues right in the first place, so imagine how hard communicating with the opposite sex becomes under this circumstance.
They might as well be SPACE ALIENS!
I went away to college after high school. I got lucky! I quickly became friends with my roommate and suite mates (suite is an awfully kind word for the small space where 4 boys lived). I even met some girls! Whew-hoo! Funny thing is … of course, I went for the one’s who were certainly wrong for me, and not for the one’s who were good for me. Heck … it’s not even that I didn’t try, I just was completely MISSING THE CUES!
Go figure. Flirtation is tough as it is … but when it takes you until months later to catch on … not so good.
I was invited to pledge a fraternity. I loved it! A total blast! More girls too! Yee-haaa! Good thing I had the almighty Sigma Alpha Epsilon credibility … it instantly reduced my communication issues with those of the female persuasion. Nice!!!
Weirdest thing though … I always had a minor fear, and it’s kinda funny when you think about it … but it got worse as my college years progressed. I had like this phobia of using people’s names. No, I HAD A PHOBIA! I thought if I used someone’s name, I’d get it wrong, and everybody would hate me and I’d go back to being the junior high school kid who ate lunch alone.
The weird name phobia stuck with me for a long time. It’s gone. It’s hard for even ME … to imagine something like that being real.
I sought counseling in college, and during my adult life too. I tried medication, hypnosis, supplements, you name it! I’ve worked on countless self-help programs, communication programs … I even took the Dale Carnegie Class! I did well too.
My professional career has been a roller-coaster. Up and down, up and down … the problem is … that the down streaks have always been too severe for the up streaks to balance things out. It’s been frustrating to say the least.
My life has always been this way though … a roller-coaster. Flashes of brilliance, mired in fumbles and interceptions … So back to the psychologist office I went.
This time I found a good one. She eventually sent me to a psychiatrist out of concern about adhd. At this point, I was open to anything! Acupuncture, drugs, electroshock … I needed HELP! I started taking medication, reading and learning about adhd, and doing my best to compensate for it. Internally, I’ve grown more in the past 10 months than I did my prior 37 years. I’m calmer, more focused, more confident, more assertive, and while I’m not perfect, I’m communicating with others better than I have at any time in my life!
The medication doesn’t turn me into a zombie like some people claim it will … it’s quite the opposite! I’m much more myself … much more comfortable as myself than I’ve ever been. I always felt like I lived in a bubble. Always kicking and screaming to get out! But I couldn’t. The walls would simply stretch, and no one could hear my cries.
I’m out of the bubble now! I feel much better. Life brightens a little more each day.
I’m MORE creative than ever before, because I can follow through on my wild ideas. My relationships are improving too, because I’m more comfortable in my own skin, and can communicate better.
I’ve worked my ass off all my life on everything I’ve done, especially in regards to “improving” myself. I’ve experienced all the hard-nosed, buckle-down authority that exists … But looking at it all through the lens of adhd, gearing my therapy and adding little medication towards from that point of view … I’ve made some of the greatest strides in my life, particularly my inner life.
We all have our flaws, we’re human. We have not the ability to be perfect … but all THOSE character flaws … nothing but adhd.
Do you believe?
It’s Not Always Your ADHD
This is a quick story to share with you what has been going on, and a lesson I learned.
Saturday June 28, my computer started to die. I was busy working on a post, but for some reason it wouldn’t save correctly. As I was becoming frustrated with that, I noticed everything on my computer was slowing down … so slow, an ordinary snail seemed faster than a cheetah.
Earlier that day, I downloaded an update from Microsoft and a driver update from Dell, so I didn’t think it could have anything to do with them. I ran every spyware, virus, adware software I could find. The first few days, it would take just over 9 hours for just one of these programs to run. I found nothing.
To make a long story short, the tenacity provided by my adhd finally paid off late last night, and I was back to the blog. I wrote a post similar to this one, but somehow when I published it, the post disappeared. So I went to bed. This morning and afternoon I re-worked some of the tweaks and settings and now I’m finally back! My computer is working at about 90% of its previous capacity.
I should attempt to retrace my steps and provide the fix on this blog in case anyone else runs into problems, but anyways …
Lesson learned:
A few nights ago I was talking to a friend of mine … well, more like whining … about how “unfair” it all is. I have enough problems on my own with staying on track, following through, and what not … why does something like this have to happen? Is there a Grand Conspiracy against me? Is God and the whole universe bent on keeping me from continuing this project?
Then it hit me … a thought.
Yes, it hurt. 
I’m sitting there blaming myself, blaming God, and everything else I can think of, claiming “A Morsel of Genius” to be yet another of my many unfinished, failed projects. Yet, back in reality … all that happened was my computer failed. An inanimate object. Not me, God or anything else. That’s life.
LIFE happens.
It was not a short-coming of character, nor a biological pitfall. Shit happens. That’s all.
LIFE happens.
Life can get you down, but don’t start in on yourself. Don’t start up the negative inner talk that blames yourself and anyone else you can think of when the tide seems to turn against you. It’s just an illusion. Sometimes things we don’t like happen. That’s all.
It’s not your adhd, your character, nor a Grand Conspiracy against you.
It’s just life.
Be at peace with yourself. Be your own best friend. Support yourself no matter what’s going on, and eventually you’ll find that most mishaps have nothing to do with you at all.
Life on ADHD
I’m NOT too fond of the label “Attention Deficit Disorder“. First of all, we (adders) know that it’s not a deficit of attention we have, but a SURPLUS of attention. How can one pay attention to a given topic when so many things are going on, and your brain keeps tuning into EVERYTHING?
Then there’s that dreadful word “disorder”. It’s so clinical and repugnant. So I looked it up in the dictionary, because I prefer to say we’re “different”, and not “disordered”.
American Heritage Dictionary: A lack of order or regular arrangement; confusion.
Damn! They got us on that one! Regardless, today I want to talk about why we’re absolutely perfect, just the way we are.
It’s hard growing up with adhd. For most adults, nobody even thought to assess us for adhd, so we got the extra lectures, detentions, and groundings instead. Oh well. No big deal.
Really! It’s NOT a big deal at all. Why? Because the rest of our life starts today. (This is true every single day).
Life is about being the best version of YOU! It’s not about being the best version of someone else. This may be easier to say than do, but it’s time … to do it! It’s time to let go of all the belief systems that you’ve been impregnated with that have come from the outside, and not from within. Whether it’s your parents belief system you carry around, or a teacher’s, friend’s, pastor or priest’s … it doesn’t matter, because starting today, for the rest of your life, you’re going to live by your own set of beliefs. You’re an adult! It’s time to start calling your own shots!
You have adhd. You may take some meds like I do. So what? You can do just about anything anyone else can do. You’re not disabled. I don’t care if the clinicians and society have decided whether it’s a disability or not. It doesn’t matter. This is YOUR LIFE! There is nothing wrong with you. It’s time you start telling yourself that.
The first step is to ACKNOWLEDGE your LIMITATIONS. There are things you’re not good at. If I could get somewhere on time, or stay organized, it would be a miracle! But it’s time I acknowledge that I’m not good at estimating time. I just need to leave earlier than I think, start my projects sooner, and stop promising I’ll do things for which I don’t have enough hours in the day to get done. Today, I let go of the belief that I can do anything and everything, and I accept my limitations.
Do you have a limitation to accept? To embrace? To cherish?
“But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also … Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you …” - Jesus, Matthew 39-44.
Those limiting belief patterns that roll around in the back of your head ARE your enemies. It is YOUR voice that curses and hates. Instead of fighting these thoughts by suppressing them, and trying in vain to OVERCOME them … turn the other cheek, accept, and love them. We are human beings just like everyone else. None of us is perfect.
Accepting your limitations doesn’t excuse you from proper behavior, such as being on time in my example. If I promise to be somewhere at a given time, it is ME who has to make the adjustments in my schedule. If I schedule too much in a day, the delays are my responsibility. 
I have adhd. It’s up to me to accept my limitations. It’s not up to others to accept them for me. I will leave earlier and promise less. Just as everyone else has to do, I will manage my shortcomings. I will do this through acknowledgment and acceptance.
I learn so much by reading what others with adhd have to say about themselves. A common theme is the feeling of being trapped and overwhelmed … I know … I’m right there with you … Be kind to yourself. Celebrate your progress instead of your failures. Count each thing you accomplish (no matter how big or small) and celebrate! No need go out and buy cake and party hats. I’m talking about a celebration that comes from within.
Be your own best friend. Pat yourself on the back. Use your inner voice to support, encourage, and nurture yourself. The words (and tone) you use when you talk to yourself has far more impact than the words (and tone) of others. And if you fail … that’s OK too! It’s no big deal at all. Failure is a part of progress. You can’t accomplish a thing without failing along the way. So CELEBRATE your failures! Count them as PROGRESS! You just discovered another way it (whatever it is you’re doing) doesn’t work!
STOP … thinking about the past! Acknowledge that YOU, your parents, teachers, and everyone else … did their absolute best based on everything they knew … love them and give them peace. Give yourself the GIFT of forgiving yourself and others. Forgiveness is the greatest gift of all! No one is perfect. And as we stop pretending that we ourselves can be perfect, we must also stop expecting perfection from others as well.
It’s ok to be YOU. It’s ok to be DIFFERENT. It’s ok to live life based on your own beliefs, instead of beliefs from others. Give yourself a few moments … grab a soundtrack and meditate for 20 minutes … notice and acknowledge your shortcomings … then love them … and give them peace.
